Editor’s Note: The image associated with this story came directly from AltPress during their interview with Tim Lambesis for this story.

Alternative Press’s West Coast Editor Ryan Downey sat down with former As I Lay Dying vocalist Tim Lambesis as he broke his silence for the first time. He was arrested a little over a year ago on May 7 in a murder-for-hire plot to kill his estranged wife, Meggan Lambesis.

According to the story, Lambesis was asked by a number of producers and television stations for interviews, as Downey called it, “relentlessly” coming in.

Lambesis says a handful of movie producers (both amateur and otherwise) offered him large sums for the rights to his story. Dr. Phil wanted him on his show. The offers, interest and requests were continuous and unrelenting. Ultimately, Tim elected to share his story in a forthcoming, not-for-profit documentary. Ryan Downey, AltPress

He also admitted he had a big insecurity to fill.

When I was home, I didn’t feel like my wife was excited to be with me, because she was more concerned with the excitement of other things in life. I’m admitting my big insecurity. I began to seek that adoration from my career.

He addressed the steroid and “roid rage” issue as well, one of the initial claims that allegedly drove him to act erratically. According to his comments, it also affected his marriage.

For the most part, I think that’s kind of a myth. When I was arrested, I had come off testosterone-based steroids. My hormone levels were really unbalanced. … My hormone levels were super-out of whack. The blood test I had right before I left for Asia, right before my arrest, showed my testosterone level was significantly lower than that of a 90-year-old man.

Did he cheat on his wife because he was taking steroids? Or did he cheat on his wife and let his lustful mentality get the best of him and allowed his insecurities to drive him from there?” They are all factors. It was a perfect storm. In the past, those things hadn’t [caused me to cheat]. But they had planted a seed. Now, when it all comes down to it, I’m the one who decided to take steroids. I’m the one who didn’t address certain issues in my marriage.

His faith was also brought up, claiming he had an experience almost opposite of C.S. Lewis, studying the faith and ultimately reverting to atheism.

In the process of trying to defend my faith, I started thinking the other point of view was the stronger one.

The first time I cheated on my wife, my interpretation of morality was now convenient for me. I felt less guilty if I decided, “Well, marriage isn’t a real thing, because Christianity isn’t real. God isn’t real. Therefore, marriage is just a stupid piece of paper with the government.” I thought of myself as super-scholarly at the time. “My academic pursuit has led me to this.” I was sincere to a certain degree, but we all hear what we want to hear to justify our actions.

Reading between the lines, I make up that this atheism is what eventually triggered his legal issues.

I went to a Christian high school. We had a Bible class where the teacher said, “Where does morality come from? Is it objective or subjective?” Your first instinct is to say it is kind of subjective. Maybe it’s good to life sometimes, like to a kid to make them feel safe. “Wrong! Morality is objective because it comes from God. So there is only one right answer!” It was ingrained in my mind, then, that if there was no God, there is no objective morality. So when I abandoned all belief in God, I had nowhere to put my feet. I was 30 years old and asking myself that same question, “Where does morality come from?” If there was no God, then morality is whatever I want to make it. That began to justify a lot of crazy behaviors in my life.

In addition, he spoke some dirty truth, mentioning only about 10% of the “Christian” bands they toured with were actually Christian.

We toured with more “Christian bands” who actually aren’t Christians than bands that are. In 12 years of touring with As I Lay Dying, I would say maybe one in 10 Christian bands we toured with were actually Christian bands. I actually wasn’t the first guy in As I Lay Dying to stop being a Christian. In fact, I think I was the third. The two who remained kind of stopped talking about it, and then I’m pretty sure they dropped it, too. We talked about whether to keep taking money from the “Christian market.”

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