I admit – I’m a little nervous and feel kinda awkward about this blog post. Yes, the lead singer for Lust Control (who sings songs about masturbation, pornography, abortion, sex and sex and sex and sex – well, look at me! I’ve been shattered – ooh, sha-dooby, shattered…) is apprehensive about bringing up the subject of this chapter, which is called “Love meets sexual needs.”
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3)
Some people think the Bible has nothing good to say about sex, as though all God seems concerned about is telling us when not to do it and who not to do it with. In reality, however, the Bible has a great deal to say about sex and the blessing it can be for both husband and wife. Even its boundaries and restrictions are God’s ways of keeping our sexual experiences at a level far beyond any of those advertised on television or in the movies.
In Christian marriage, romance is meant to thrive and flourish. After all, it was created by God. It’s all part of celebrating what God has given, becoming one with our mate while simultaneously pursuing purity and holiness. He delights in us when this happens.
The Song of Solomon, for example, though frequently misunderstood as nothing more than an allegory about God’s passion for His people, is actually a beautiful love story. It describes sexual acts between a husband and wife in poetic detail, showing how each one responds to the other. It expresses how honesty and understanding in sexual matters lead to a life of confident love together.
It’s true that sex is only one aspect of marriage. But as time goes by, one of you will likely value its importance more highly than the other. As a result of this, the nature of your oneness as man and wife will feel threatened and endangered.
If you’re like me (a guy that grew up in this culture), you might often view sex as something you “get,” rather than something you “give.” Even if you have no desire to pursue a loving relationship with Christ, honoring Him with your will, emotions and actions, you would do well to understand that sex should be more about giving than receiving. That attitude will no doubt make you a better lover. When’s the last time you heard a Christian give advice to a “sinner” to improve their sexual activity? There you go.
I’ll get back to the book’s text now. I’ll get in less trouble that way.
You are the one person called and designated by God to meet your spouse’s sexual needs. If you allow distance to grow between you in this area, if you allow staleness to set in, you are taking something that rightly (and exclusively) belongs to your spouse. If you let your mate know – by words, actions, or inactions – that sex needn’t be any more than you want it to be, you rob from them a sense of honor and endearment that has been set in place by biblical mandate. You violate the “one flesh” unity of marriage.
So whether you perceive yourself as being on the deprived end, or you would admit that you are the one depriving the other, know that God’s plan for you is to meet in the middle and come to a place of agreement. But also know that the path to getting there will not be accomplished by sulking, arguing, or demanding. Love is the only way to reestablish loving union between each other. All the things the Love Dare entails – patience, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, protection, honor forgivness – will play a role in renewing your sexula intimacy. When the love of Christ is the foundation of your marriage, the strength of your friendship and sexual relationship can be enjoyed at a level this world can never know.
Today’s Love Dare (you’ll like this one):
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.
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