Here is the missing/skipped-over chapter. I went over this one while I was traveling and away from a good internet signal. It’s nice to get away and rest from the internet from time to time, but it can also be frustrating if your goal is to continue blogging while away.
Anyway, this chapter is called “Love Encourages.” I like how it applies definition to the word love. I have started praying the verses in 1 Corinthians 13 in a personalized way. Instead of saying: “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres,” I’ll pray: “Love always protects Charlotta, always trusts Charlotta, always hopes (for) Charlotta, always perseveres (for) Charlotta.”
This chapter talks about expectations and how when we marry we realize that perhaps the ideal mate we thought we were going to have has turned out to (gasp) be human. Invariably, there is some point of disappointment. The way we respond to that disappointment or unmet expectation is key. Some of us demand change. Some of us criticize. Some of us get angry or turn silent. The authors of this book brought up the verse that Jesus spoke about “why worry about the speck in your brother’s eye when you have a log in your own?” When we get critical, it’s usually hypocritical. Hey, I like that phrase. Let’s use it as the excerpt for this blog today, shall we? In other words, we’re harder on others than we are on ourselves.
The chapter talks about how most of us we were a lot more graceful about our special person when we were first dating. Even though they had flaws, we saw them as if “they could do no wrong.” Now we get irritated about those wrongs – those flaws. What’s our problem?
You must realize that marriage is a relationship to be enjoyed and savored along the way. It’s a unique friendship designed by God Himself where two people live together in flawed imperfection but deal with it by encouraging each other, not discouraging them.
When I look back, I realize that I have been a blessed man. When my wife was surely disappointed in my flaws, I can see that she usually used encouragement to try and change me. She built me up rather than tore me down. That is a wonderful and loving way to approach our spouses. Let me take a moment here… (Thank you, Charlotta, for being so gracious to me over the years, encouraging me to change rather than just being disappointed in me for failing to meet your expectations. Thanks for teaching me by example how to go about this sort of thing.) Man, I have been lucky!
Don’t you want married life to be a place where you can enjoy free expression of who you are, growing within a safe environment that encourages you even when you fail? Your spouse does too – and love gives them that privilege. If your wife or husband has told you on more than one occasion that you make them feel beat down and defeated, you need to take these words to heart. Make a commitment to daily let go of unrealistic expectations and become your spouse’s greatest encourager. And the person they’re created by God to be will begin to emerge with new confidence and love for you.
Today’s Love Dare:
Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.
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