Sometimes I wake up from a bad dream with a vivid sick emotion like a giant knife stabbed into my heart. It makes me ache inside with a pain that is about as appealing as eating dirt. One of my instincts is to apply this dream to my life. The easiest assumption is in the area of empathy. If what I dreamed isn’t real, then maybe I can use this pain as a motivation to not ever inflict this kind of pain on someone else.
I’ve been able to drift off to sleep with something on my mind and somehow start dreaming about those things. This doesn’t happen often, but I believe that there are certain stages of dreaming that I can have some effect or impact upon. By and large, though, I think dreams are out of my control. I no more chose them than I purposefully brought that breeze to my face. Like thoughts, I think some dreams come out of nowhere but can also originate from somewhere sinister. If this is true, though, what an enemy meant for evil can be used for good. It seems to be a recuring redemptive trait that God provides on a regular basis.
It’s scary sometimes to realize that there is a lot that is out of our control. I don’t know if it’s a product of being a male, being raised in this culture or what, but I often feel like or act like I’m invincible. This is not the case and I cite the grace of God as a huge reason for the safety, comfort, blessings and goodness that is in my life. Having a tragedy or other bad thing happen can wake you up out of these false notions of invincibility. The adage “there, but for the grace of God, go I” speaks volumes to this idea. It helps me not act haughty and not pass judgment too quickly on someone else that is experiencing some really bad grief.
I shudder to think that I could cause the kind of pain I felt upon waking from this dream. I would hate to make God feel this way. He has been so good to me. How it must have hurt Him to be betrayed by Judas. Even if he knew before the act of betrayal happened that it was going to take place, it still must have hurt. His capacity for hurt, like anyone who loves someone else, must be huge. I wonder if this somehow was part of the inspiration for the song “Get Away” (by King’s X), which asks, “Where do You go to get away?” The phrase “get away” is like escape, coping with pain, getting away for awhile to heal.
It’s amazing how music can be like an emotional balm for pain. Thank God He has given us this gift.
My cry from the inside is: “Please, God, help me to never hurt you this way!”
…and now for something (almost) completely different:
Last night I had that same old dream
that rocked me in my sleep
it left me the impression
that the sandman plays for keeps
I dreamed I was in concert
on the middle of a cloud
John Wayne and Billy Graham
were giving breath mints to the crowd…
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