Love is Accountable
I remember when “accountability” became a buzzword in the late ’80s and early ’90s. People wanted to figure out a way to keep from falling into sin and its entanglements, so they looked to the Bible and started sharing the message of accountability. It goes hand in hand with responsibility. If you do something bad, you own up to it. You take responsibility for your own failings. All of us fail, but not all of us fail at everything nor all the time. With a certain amount of self reliance, you can walk a fairly good walk. This will not guarantee success (it actually guarantees failure, due to our sinful nature), but it’s nice to be honest and realize that a dose of “I can do it” will be helpful — and if it’s balanced with a dependence upon God, then it has a better chance. The truth is that none of us are perfect and thus we will all fail at one time or another. Being able to confess our sins/failures, ask God for forgiveness, receiving it and turning around and growing stronger through the failure is a good way to live. The bonds of strength are even greater if we have a network of friends that are walking in the same direction.
The trend of accountability is over — along with a few excesses and the division it caused due to misunderstanding. I remember a potential investor telling me during this time, “You might see me with a beer now and then,” and he asked it in almost a fearful, “…and you’re not going to hold it against me or cast judgment on me as unfit, are you?” And I had to laugh. It’s funny what some people will judge others for and it’s also funny what some people fear judgment over. Living gracefully (being thankful for the grace in your own life and extending that similar or same attitude to others) is the better way.
This chapter opens up with a description of the mighty Sequoia tree. It withstands great winds, lightning, fires and other storms of life. One of its secrets is the “holding hands” that the root systems do underground. The trees intertwine their roots with one another for additional support. Not many trees do this. It’s rare and it’s puzzling and it’s a beautiful illustration about how community and accountability help.
Good marriage mentors warn you before you make a bad decision. They encourage you when you are ready to give up. And they cheer you on as you reach new levels of intimacy in your marriage.
Do you have an older couple or a friend of the same gender you can turn to for good advice, for prayer support, and for regular accountability check-ups? Do you have someone in your life who shoots straight with you?
You and your spouse need these types of friends and mentors on a consistent basis. The Bible says, “Encourage one another day after day … so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13). Too oftne we can isolate ourselves from others. If we are not careful, we could push away the people who love us the most.
You must guard yourself against the wrong influencers. Everyone has an opinion and some people will encourage you to act selfishly and leave your mate in order to pursue your own happiness. Be careful about listening to advice from people who don’t have a good marriage themselves.
If your marriage is hanging by a thread or already heading for a divorce, then you need to stop everything and pursue solid counseling as quickly as possible. Call a pastor, a Bible-believing counselor, or a marriage ministry today. As awkward as it may initially be to open up your life to a stranger, your marriage is worth every second spend and every sacrifice you will make for it. Even if your marriage is fairly stable, you’re in no less need of honest, open mentors — people who can put wind in your sails and make your marriage even better.
How do you pick a good mentor? You look for a person who has the kind of marriage you want. You look for a person whose heart for Christ comes first before everything else. You look for someone who doesn’t live by his or her opinions but by the unchanging Word of God. And more times than not, this person will likely be delighted you asked for help. Start praying for God to send this person into your life. Then pick a time to meet and talk.
Today’s Love Dare
Find a marriage mentor — someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.
Comments