Today’s chapter is called “Love is Responsible.”
On the surface, the title seems a little misleading, but that’s only because my presumption of what this definition of “responsible” may or may not be. My first reaction or idea is that it’s about the kind of responsibility that MxPx joked about in their song – the kind of “grown-up stuff” like working a job, paying rent, bills, etc. But the chapter quickly sheds light on another aspect of responsibility – that being personal responsibility.
It starts off by quoting a verse from Romans, that says: “When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.” (Romans 2:1) Then it goes on to make a promise about the chapter: “Today will be hard. But as you seek God’s strength and wisdom, you will be able to get through it. This day could be a milestone in your marriage if you allow it to be. So resolve to focus on what the Lord may be saying to you, and purpose to follow His leading.”
I like how it gets personal and to-the-point…
“Today is about personal responsibility. It’s something we all agree others should have, but we struggle to maintain it ourselves. Over the past few decades, there’s been a decline in personal responsibility. More and more, people seem less likely to acknowledge their own mistakes. We see it in politics. We see it in business. We see it in celebrity headlines. But this is not just a problem with the rich and famous. To find an example of someone who has an excuse for every action, all we have to do is look in the mirror. We are so quick to justify our motives. So quick to deflect criticism. So quick to find fault – especially with our spouse, who is always the easiest one to blame.”
Whoa! “…all we have to do is look in the mirror.” Wow. And then this zinger: “As far as we’re concerned, we’re doing the best we can. And our spouse just ought to be glad we’re as good to them as we are.”
And then it shifts the focus: “But love doesn’t pass the blame so easily or justify selfish motives. Love is not nearly as concerned with its own performance as with others’ needs. When love takes responsibility for its actions, it’s not to prove how noble you’ve been but rather to admit how much further you have to go.”
Then it passes on a great piece of advice: “That’s why the next time you’re in an argument with your spouse, instead of working up your comebacks, stop and see if there’s something worth listening to in what your mate is aying. What might happen in your relationship if instead of passing blame, you first admitted your own wrongs? As the Scripture says, ‘Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool.'” (Proverbs 17:10)
The sharp and effective words just keep on rolling, too (love this chapter): “Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front. Are you taking responsibility for this person you chose for yourself as the love of your life? How deliberate are you about making sure your spouse’s needs are met? Or are you only concerned with your mate fulfilling yours? Love calls us to take responsibility for our partner in marriage. To love them. To honor them. To cherish them.
“Are you taking responsibility for your own faults? Have you said or done things to your spouse – or to God – that are wrong? Love desires to have a right relationship with both God and your mate. Once that is right, the stage is set for other areas to fall into place.”
Today’s Dare:
Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God’s forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.
Comments